BACKGROUND
In 1 Corinthians 7:1-16:12, Paul answers a series of questions raised by the believers of Corinth. 1 Corinthians 7-10 involve personal questions:
Chapter 7 - Is singleness better than marriage? What about divorce and remarriage?
Chapter 8 - Is it acceptable for Christians to eat food offered to idols?
Chapter 9 - Is it proper for a person who ministers the gospel to get his living from it?
Chapter 10 - If an action is lawful, is it profitable or beneficial?In this chapter, Paul is talking about marriage in a city filled with sexual temptation. Corinth had a reputation in the pagan world for sexual immorality and religious prostitution. The Corinthians needed special instruction. We need special instruction today as well!
REFLECTION from 2010
(All quotes in this reflection were from http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm, a website that is no longer online since I posted in 2010.)
Here are some results about marriage from the Barna Research Group:
Here are some results about marriage from the Barna Research Group:
Barna's results verified findings of earlier polls: that conservative Protestant Christians, on average, have the highest divorce rate, while mainline Christians have a much lower rate. They found some new information as well: that atheists and agnostics have the lowest divorce rate of all. George Barna commented that the results raise "questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families." The data challenges "the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriage."Right now, I am looking at a picture of a 2002 gathering of 17 friends that I met through a homeschooling internet forum. Since that gathering, ten have divorced and one has divorced twice. Of the remaining seven, two were already on their second marriage (but now happily married) and two more have contemplated divorce since that time. This does not include another three women who could not make this 2002 gathering and who have also divorced since that time. On a happy note, one remarried her husband after years of being divorced. These people are not a statistic to me. They are people I love.
(2023 Update: Two have divorced twice. And there were two more divorced.)
It is interesting to note that nine out of the sixteen people were from the South. Of those nine, at the time of the picture, two were on their second marriage, and five had divorced (but one remarried her husband). The South is the Bible Belt; but according to the Barna Research Group, the South has the highest percentage of divorces:
What is to be done in our marriages today? Here are some suggestions from the article:
My husband and I give a message on marriage. We talk about two important things to know:
It is interesting to note that nine out of the sixteen people were from the South. Of those nine, at the time of the picture, two were on their second marriage, and five had divorced (but one remarried her husband). The South is the Bible Belt; but according to the Barna Research Group, the South has the highest percentage of divorces:
The data showed that the highest divorce rates were found in the Bible Belt. "Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama, and Oklahoma round out the Top Five in frequency of divorce...the divorce rates in these conservative states are roughly 50 percent above the national average" of 4.2/1000 people.
- 11 southern states (AL, AR, AZ, FL, GA, MS, NC, NM, OK, SC, and TX averaged 5.1/1000 people. (LA data is not available; TX data is for 1997).
- Nine states in the Northeast (CT, MA, ME, NH, NJ, NY, PA, RI, VT) averaged only 3.5/1000 people.
Some of the factors that contribute to a high divorce rate in the Bible Belt, relative to Northeastern states are:
The women in my picture are not statistics, they are friends who I have prayed and wept for and with. I have walked with some more deeply than others, but I know that none of them have entered the divorce process lightly.
- More couples enter their first marriage at a younger age.
- Average household incomes are lower (OK and AR rate 46th and 47th in the U.S.)
- They have a lower percentage of Roman Catholics, a denomination that does not recognize divorce. Anthony Jordan, executive director of the Southern Baptist Convention in Oklahoma commented: "I applaud the Catholics," says Jordan. "I don't think we as Protestant evangelists have done nearly as well preparing people for marriage. And in the name of being loving and accepting, we have not placed the stigma on divorce that we should have."
- Some factors in conservative Protestantism -- which is prevalent in the Bible Belt -- may cause a higher level of divorce.
What is to be done in our marriages today? Here are some suggestions from the article:
Some of the approaches being used by governments and religious groups to reduce the divorce rate are:
I would also add that based on 30 years of discipling women and doing pre-marriage and marriage counseling, many couples are/were not ready for marriage.
- Pre-marital counseling for engaged couples. Some clergy now refuse to marry a couple unless they have completed such a course. The Roman Catholic church has done this for many years.
- Encouraging couples to accept mediation before deciding to divorce.
- Adding public school courses that discuss values and relationships.
- Introducing covenant marriages which are more difficult to get into and more difficult to get out of, in comparison with regular marriages.
My husband and I give a message on marriage. We talk about two important things to know:
- Our Master - This involves a rock-solid intimacy with the Lord to where He is our first love before our mates. It is not impossible to develop intimacy with the Lord after marriage, but it gets really dicey when one partner wants to grow, and the other one does not. If we have a rock-solid intimacy, we are more likely to choose well when it comes to a mate. Also, without security in the Lord, we might look to our spouse to meet our unmet desires, and those desires become demands! Then, the fireworks can fly!
- Our Mission - These are those God-breathed heart passions that drive us into a meaningful and purposeful life. When one spouse gets a calling to something while the other one does not, it can cause conflict. Like-hearted purpose and direction are so important in marriage, and when we have a direction, we can also choose well when it comes to . . .
Interestingly, I am writing this post after just having read a Victorian novel that follows the lives of people in the English town of Middlemarch. Two of the main characters, both with noble life purposes, chose spouses who did not partner with them in their life passions. One of the main themes of the novel involves the consequences of those choices. It is definitely a cautionary tale.
- Our Mate - Who will complement and partner with us in our mission for our Master!
APPLICATION
I am a big proponent of building FULL-BRAIN marriages!
We know what the Bible says about marriage, right? But yet there is a high divorce rate. So, I will recommend excellent Bible Studies for your LEFT BRAIN, but I want to start by recommending RIGHT BRAIN resources!
Here is what I mean by that:
Right-Brain Learning (Builds Secure Attachment in Your Marriage)
This is a practical model of getting to the heart of a Joy-Filled Marriage. I know the title makes it sound cheesy, but it does get to the heart of things:
I am also aware that many marriages are plagued by narcissism. For years, I have wondered if there was any hope, but this book seems to have some encouraging insights:
Left-Brain Learning (Biblically sound principles)
The Precept Bible Study, "Marriage without Regrets," is excellent. They have different levels of "digging" in the link that I shared. Here is a free download of a study that goes along her program, Precepts for Life. The videos are here: Marriage without Regrets. We covered all the major passages related to marriage, prayed for one another, and kept each other accountable. The class was life-changing for the majority of the participants! (Sadly, the person I co-led this study with divorced her husband less than two years after leading the study with me.) There is also a book written by Kay Arthur on the subject, but I recommend you "dig" for yourself in the Word of God (because this relates to what I said in the 1 Corinthians 3 post).
2023 Update: So many more divorces of long-term marriages in the last five years. I am walking with someone right now who is separated after 38 years. It is so complicated. So, so, complicated.
PRAYER
Lord, marriages everywhere are in turmoil. I pray that You would strengthen them, drawing each partner to You more deeply and intimately. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.
Lord, marriages everywhere are in turmoil. I pray that You would strengthen them, drawing each partner to You more deeply and intimately. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.
1 comment:
I am grieved by what I have seen lately. Oh, I should add another book in this post about narcissism in a relationship.
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