I find this particularly interesting as the Lord has been showing me over the past 20 years of my marriage exactly what it means to respect my husband. I erroneously had this idea that it was a majestic type of respect that a 15th century lady of the court would have for her king-never even thinking there was a flaw in my ruler and trusting that every decision he made was noble and just. Needless to say I was let down a time or two. How unbelievably arrogant of me to think that I had flaws that were deserving of grace and understanding, but my husband, as he is the "head of the family" wasn't allowed that luxury. Although mostly what my beloved does is for my benefit and for the betterment of our family, I have learned to place that type of absolute trust in the only one deserving of it, our Savior Jesus Christ and my trust of my husband has grown into a respect that includes his humanity. The Lord has revealed to me that respect for my husband which is tantamount to being his helper is respecting all that he is-his strengths, spiritual gifts and talents as well as his weaknesses,strange habits and limitations. That frees our marriage from unrealistic expectations and gives us room to grow, fail and forgive as very human children of God. One of the ways he is different from me is that he is not comfortable discussing topics, such as "how am I a helper to him". I respect that and don't push him to do something that he has not been led of the Lord as needed. If this is something that God knows will benefit us, then I respect my husband's relationship with the Lord enough to know he will be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit and the topic will come up. Some husbands would love this type of discourse and would welcome the conversation. I'm writing this to propose that some women, like myself, would refuse to bring up a topic like this BECAUSE they respect their husbands, not out of fear of finding out their failures. God the Holy Spirit has been completely faithful in showing me those failures when I am malleable to His leading. This is just some food for thought and hopefully an encouragement to others who have husbands who are more introverted and express their love more in what the do and provide rather than what they say.
Carol, I so enjoyed reading your story of how you are George's suitable helper. I hope this passage will help those of us who are married consider how we are to be companions, suitable helpers for our individual husbands. And I appreciated Joy's comments so much, too, about respecting our husbands in who they are. After reading what both of you have written it's plain that one size doesn't fit all! God designs each marriage differently. One thing I'm learning is that knowing and loving my husband and trying to be a companion helper to him is one of the chief means used by God to conform me to Jesus' image.
As I thought about this passage I was led somewhere else! (Of course.) I was hit with how foundational this passage is to the rest of God's word. We get a picture of what a good world looks like and of what a good God we have, who provided from the git-go what we needed. So many ideas are presented for the first time here: work (not a result of sin, but something good), language (Adam NAMED the animals), relationship (Adam was lonely and God made Him a companion just right for him). And it looks to me like Adam breaks into song (poetry) when he meets woman for the first time! Love that. (Not sure how it is in Hebrew)
I don't know if there's a limit on how long comments can be! I'm losing track of what I've said so I'll post this and be back later.
In the notes for my KJV Study Bible, it mentions that "meet" ( as in "help meet") comes from the Hebrew word meaning "opposite." So the phrase "I will make a help meet for him" (v. 18) can be translated: "I will make him a helper according to the opposite of him." I find that translation comforting because my dh and I are so much the opposite of each other, but together we seem to make up a whole person. We make up for each other's lacks and strengthen each other's strengths.
The notes on verse 18 also state that HELP is a word frequently used in reference to the Lord in the Psalms (10:14, 22:11, 28:7, 46:1, etc.). Thus it is not a degrading position for the woman but demonstrates that the woman can aid or supply that which the individual cannot provide for himself. I like that.
I really appreciate your statements, Carol, about being the help meet for YOUR husband, and how that looks different in every marriage. I really liked Joy's thoughtful comments and Becky's as well. Such an intriguing passage!
Hi Carol, I'm here! I just wanted to add a quick comment that it seems like our roles are ever changing depending on our needs in the passing years. It is challenging as we have to bend and change to meet each others needs in new ways as we change over the years as "old age" sets in (We are only 40!). We have had quite a year here and many have asked how we have withstood the strain. My only answer besides the obvious "God" is that we took turns holding each other up and meeting each others needs. When one of us would falter the other would come under and hold that person up.
I also appreciated how you said that being the help mate for your husband looks different for every marriage. I often feel as you do, and it is hard not to feel judged by friends or family who see me faltering with coffee or dinner and see him come in and pick up the pieces. But I love him for that don't you? And know he loves me for the small ways I bless him too. Connie
Yes, Joy, we all have to look at our own individual marriages and see how we "correspond" to them. Your husband's personality type has a lot to do with our you will adapt and correspond to him, for sure.
What you brought up, Susanne, is so key! That Hebrew expression "kenegdo" literally means "according to his opposite." "God created man in such a way that he needed the help of a partner to fulfill God's plan for him" (Holman Old Testament Commentary). I am sorry to use the secular movie source, but the Tom Cruise line "You complete me" to Renee Z. is nailed in my brain (I saw the Malaysian censored version BTW).
So, we complete them, and the way I complete Geo is different how my mom completed my dad or you complete Keith or Joy completes her dh, Becky complete Jerry, or Connie complete Ron. I have seen all of your marriages through your written word and in real life (except Joy's), and I know they do WORK!
Our problem is we get hung up on the comparison and/or the ideals of 15th century ladies of the court like Joy said.
I was in a exercise class doing poses the other day, and the teacher said, "Do this without comparison or judgment." You know, I was looking at other people in the class going, "Wish I could do it like she is doing it." She caught me, and I think we do it in every area of life!
Connie, yes, we have similar things going on. I think our husbands really ENJOY that sort of thing, but my brother asked me what I "do" in November because he thought that George did everything. LOL!
I have to go exercise, but you will be happy to know that I actually have TOMORROWS dinner already put together and in the refrigerator. :)
Bye for now. Thanks for all the comments. Keep them coming!
One more thing! YES, Becky, this chapter is SO pivatol, and it is the "beginning" and foundation of so much.
There were so many directions to go on this chapter. It is hard to pick just one thing to focus on, but that would take a REALLY in-depth inductive study to do that.
Like Susanne, I've heard our role is to be a help"meet". No greater Joy Ministries puts out a book titled: Created to be His Helpmeet. It's a great book! Debi Pearl (the author) really makes it clear what the role of a wife is. You can find it at www.nogreaterjoy.org Jan
Oh Carol, I was going to bring up feeling judged by family and friends but I didn't want to be too negative. Thanks for saying that. Sometimes family can be our harshest critics. Good for you for having dinner in the refrigerator AND for exercising too! Connie
My dh and I were talking a bit about this last night, and his view is that my main role is to be his companion. It's just not good for him to be alone. (Didn't God say that? :D LOL) I think it's true that it plays out differently in each marriage.
I also think being is more important than doing -- not that I don't do anything, but that I focus more on who I am than the details of what I do. It doesn't really matter which one of us does laundry or cooks meals. But our attitudes matter a lot! Respect is very important in a marriage -- going both ways.
Becky's comment -- "knowing and loving my husband and trying to be a companion helper to him is one of the chief means used by God to conform me to Jesus' image" -- is very true in my life as well.
10 comments:
I find this particularly interesting as the Lord has been showing me over the past 20 years of my marriage exactly what it means to respect my husband. I erroneously had this idea that it was a majestic type of respect that a 15th century lady of the court would have for her king-never even thinking there was a flaw in my ruler and trusting that every decision he made was noble and just. Needless to say I was let down a time or two. How unbelievably arrogant of me to think that I had flaws that were deserving of grace and understanding, but my husband, as he is the "head of the family" wasn't allowed that luxury. Although mostly what my beloved does is for my benefit and for the betterment of our family, I have learned to place that type of absolute trust in the only one deserving of it, our Savior Jesus Christ and my trust of my husband has grown into a respect that includes his humanity. The Lord has revealed to me that respect for my husband which is tantamount to being his helper is respecting all that he is-his strengths, spiritual gifts and talents as well as his weaknesses,strange habits and limitations. That frees our marriage from unrealistic expectations and gives us room to grow, fail and forgive as very human children of God. One of the ways he is different from me is that he is not comfortable discussing topics, such as "how am I a helper to him". I respect that and don't push him to do something that he has not been led of the Lord as needed. If this is something that God knows will benefit us, then I respect my husband's relationship with the Lord enough to know he will be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit and the topic will come up. Some husbands would love this type of discourse and would welcome the conversation. I'm writing this to propose that some women, like myself, would refuse to bring up a topic like this BECAUSE they respect their husbands, not out of fear of finding out their failures. God the Holy Spirit has been completely faithful in showing me those failures when I am malleable to His leading. This is just some food for thought and hopefully an encouragement to others who have husbands who are more introverted and express their love more in what the do and provide rather than what they say.
Carol, I so enjoyed reading your story of how you are George's suitable helper. I hope this passage will help those of us who are married consider how we are to be companions, suitable helpers for our individual husbands. And I appreciated Joy's comments so much, too, about respecting our husbands in who they are. After reading what both of you have written it's plain that one size doesn't fit all! God designs each marriage differently. One thing I'm learning is that knowing and loving my husband and trying to be a companion helper to him is one of the chief means used by God to conform me to Jesus' image.
As I thought about this passage I was led somewhere else! (Of course.) I was hit with how foundational this passage is to the rest of God's word. We get a picture of what a good world looks like and of what a good God we have, who provided from the git-go what we needed. So many ideas are presented for the first time here: work (not a result of sin, but something good), language (Adam NAMED the animals), relationship (Adam was lonely and God made Him a companion just right for him). And it looks to me like Adam breaks into song (poetry) when he meets woman for the first time! Love that. (Not sure how it is in Hebrew)
I don't know if there's a limit on how long comments can be! I'm losing track of what I've said so I'll post this and be back later.
In the notes for my KJV Study Bible, it mentions that "meet" ( as in "help meet") comes from the Hebrew word meaning "opposite." So the phrase "I will make a help meet for him" (v. 18) can be translated: "I will make him a helper according to the opposite of him." I find that translation comforting because my dh and I are so much the opposite of each other, but together we seem to make up a whole person. We make up for each other's lacks and strengthen each other's strengths.
The notes on verse 18 also state that HELP is a word frequently used in reference to the Lord in the Psalms (10:14, 22:11, 28:7, 46:1, etc.). Thus it is not a degrading position for the woman but demonstrates that the woman can aid or supply that which the individual cannot provide for himself. I like that.
I really appreciate your statements, Carol, about being the help meet for YOUR husband, and how that looks different in every marriage. I really liked Joy's thoughtful comments and Becky's as well. Such an intriguing passage!
Hi Carol, I'm here! I just wanted to add a quick comment that it seems like our roles are ever changing depending on our needs in the passing years. It is challenging as we have to bend and change to meet each others needs in new ways as we change over the years as "old age" sets in (We are only 40!). We have had quite a year here and many have asked how we have withstood the strain. My only answer besides the obvious "God" is that we took turns holding each other up and meeting each others needs. When one of us would falter the other would come under and hold that person up.
I also appreciated how you said that being the help mate for your husband looks different for every marriage. I often feel as you do, and it is hard not to feel judged by friends or family who see me faltering with coffee or dinner and see him come in and pick up the pieces. But I love him for that don't you? And know he loves me for the small ways I bless him too.
Connie
Thanks for all the great comments!
Yes, Joy, we all have to look at our own individual marriages and see how we "correspond" to them. Your husband's personality type has a lot to do with our you will adapt and correspond to him, for sure.
What you brought up, Susanne, is so key! That Hebrew expression "kenegdo" literally means "according to his opposite." "God created man in such a way that he needed the help of a partner to fulfill God's plan for him" (Holman Old Testament Commentary). I am sorry to use the secular movie source, but the Tom Cruise line "You complete me" to Renee Z. is nailed in my brain (I saw the Malaysian censored version BTW).
So, we complete them, and the way I complete Geo is different how my mom completed my dad or you complete Keith or Joy completes her dh, Becky complete Jerry, or Connie complete Ron. I have seen all of your marriages through your written word and in real life (except Joy's), and I know they do WORK!
Our problem is we get hung up on the comparison and/or the ideals of 15th century ladies of the court like Joy said.
I was in a exercise class doing poses the other day, and the teacher said, "Do this without comparison or judgment." You know, I was looking at other people in the class going, "Wish I could do it like she is doing it." She caught me, and I think we do it in every area of life!
Connie, yes, we have similar things going on. I think our husbands really ENJOY that sort of thing, but my brother asked me what I "do" in November because he thought that George did everything. LOL!
I have to go exercise, but you will be happy to know that I actually have TOMORROWS dinner already put together and in the refrigerator. :)
Bye for now. Thanks for all the comments. Keep them coming!
One more thing! YES, Becky, this chapter is SO pivatol, and it is the "beginning" and foundation of so much.
There were so many directions to go on this chapter. It is hard to pick just one thing to focus on, but that would take a REALLY in-depth inductive study to do that.
Love a different focus too!
Like Susanne, I've heard our role is to be a help"meet". No greater Joy Ministries puts out a book titled: Created to be His Helpmeet. It's a great book! Debi Pearl (the author) really makes it clear what the role of a wife is. You can find it at www.nogreaterjoy.org
Jan
Oh Carol, I was going to bring up feeling judged by family and friends but I didn't want to be too negative. Thanks for saying that. Sometimes family can be our harshest critics. Good for you for having dinner in the refrigerator AND for exercising too!
Connie
My dh and I were talking a bit about this last night, and his view is that my main role is to be his companion. It's just not good for him to be alone. (Didn't God say that? :D LOL) I think it's true that it plays out differently in each marriage.
I also think being is more important than doing -- not that I don't do anything, but that I focus more on who I am than the details of what I do. It doesn't really matter which one of us does laundry or cooks meals. But our attitudes matter a lot! Respect is very important in a marriage -- going both ways.
Becky's comment -- "knowing and loving my husband and trying to be a companion helper to him is one of the chief means used by God to conform me to Jesus' image" -- is very true in my life as well.
Great points, Katrina! Attitude is everything.
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